Down in Hollywood the auditions weren't any less strange. I had more callbacks, more auditions leading to callbacks, and more senseless defeat. One of my LEAST favorite things in auditions is getting into a waiting room and realizing the casting director doesn't know what he wants. In one way, it's great that he or she is open to anything. In another, it's exhausting to know you've killed in an audition but in the end the guy he likes the best may be too old to be your husband or or the woman she just fell in love with for the film is a year younger than you and she wants her for the mom! Or maybe the leggy blonde read just as well and it's statistically true that a man will choose the blonde.

So I'm exhausted. But I'm really enjoying hearing about the other side of things from a director who, eh hem, rejected me. For whatever reason, I delivered in the exact opposite nature that I'm known for which is, well, naturally. And right after that, he surprises me by playing opposite me as a love interest. Actually, I guess more of a tool in my sexual and professional conquest. Nonetheless, if he could do that, couldn't he also play the girls I was supposed to be talking to? I looked at him with as much genuine affection that I see pour out of lifeless, blow-up doll beauty Chloe on Days of Our Lives. (http://www.nadia-bjorlin.com/) I can't really figure out what's happening to me here. It's a little ridiculous for me to lose confidence when I walk into these rooms, but I am new to Hollywood and it's ways and film auditions in particular so I assume, in time, I will wreck this town.

I just have to find a place to rent that takes three dogs and I'm good to go.

Just before my clumsy callback, a man came out and asked if I and another girl were auditioning for him. After my community theater read, the other hopeful instructed me on where to go to drop my headshot off for the inquiring mind. When I walked into Studio A I was greeted with, "Here she is! This is who I was talking about." I responded with a dumfounded smile. "You're here to audition now?" Further confusion took expression on my face. "This is the one with the picture I showed you. Aren't you scheduled to audition today?" "Um, I don't think so," I finally eeked out in this tiny room of men from strong and hearty stock. Finally, someone else rescued me and said, "No, this was the girl who was out in the hall." I gave my headshot, offered to audition later in the day, and left with panic in my heart.

"Crap," says my little brain. "Where am I supposed to be? Did I have an audition with them today?" Nervously, I drive to my next audition hoping I'll be in the right place at the right time, literally. Sounds flighty, sure, but I had a callback and two auditions, maybe three that day. It was a long day for me and I'd spent the night at the Magic Castle. I wouldn't normally sabotage my brain with booze and card tricks before such a big day, but there was a birthday party at the Magic Castle where, I was told, you can only get in with an invitation. Ooooooh, fancy. Of course, I was handed one for eight people while I was in there. And since my sweet friend and my evening's sponsor, Kelly, lives pretty much at Hollywood and Highland, I had to take in a bit more wine at the end to make sure I slept through the freak and tourist thunder of Hollywood. Street noise, ya know? So now I'm worried that I made a serious error and that I just walked away from where I was supposed to be and was about to walk into the wrong audition.

Of course, when I found the building I realized I didn't have the suite number, but magically, I found myself there no problem. Must have been a residual effect from the castle. I asked one of the guys if I could change in the bathroom and I slipped out of my pretty dress, took out my fake boobs, fake teeth, and put on some ratty flats. I know. Okay, look. The boobs were a gift from a friend and when this guy was looking for someone who gets her way with her body, I thought they'd come in handy, but now I'm stuck with them, too, since the other director saw me sitting there with these guys pushing out of my little dress.

And the smile? I bought that at the suggestion of Michigan agents who mostly cast the midwestern, suburban mom and they have smiles corrected in junior high or with veneers. Since I couldn't afford to duplicate two headshots I had to choose between the cheesy commercial smile or exotic and unique ME and until I can get another, more natural set, what you see in the picture is what you get.

But I digress, I did this quick change because this crew was looking for someone "short and stocky who hates her life." Finally something that suits me. Except the other girls were pretty overweight. So physically, I didn't fit. But as soon as I got into the office I explained to the auditioners how I took out all of my fake parts and gave them a read that they LOVED. So much so we had to talk about how clever I was which was invaluable because I knew I wasn't ugly enough to get the part. As I walked to the car I sent a text to google for a local listing of The Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I don't have a fancy phone anymore, but I had my laptop. The Coffee Bean has three of my most favorite things - coffee, tea, and free Internet. I open up to actors access and LA Casting and.... AHA! I DIDN'T have an audition with them. Whew!

Tea there and I'm off to Pasadena where I'm back at another Coffee Bean looking for yet another audition address and switching to coffee. I'm going to get them to sponsor me one day.