Two weeks later and I'm still the big callback queen. Having signed to Octomom - The Musical's email list I've been pining for their publicity, but recently they sent me a fantastic reality check by highlighting that they had a thousand girls submit for the role. That makes me feel very differently about being plan B. I mean, how many times would an alphabet of 26 letters go into a thousand? Right, right?

Jeremy left for the music festival in Detroit and I really thought I'd record the foundation to my musical and get some writing done. I knew I'd be spending four or five days in LA so I had to really crack down in the week of privacy I had at home. Unfortunately, I had some very unexpected visitors. Thousands and thousands of them. If I'd understood how to use the camera gifted to me, I might've made a short documentary bout the insanity of my ant invasion which may have gone something like this -

Int. Girl enters kitchen to find hundreds of ants marching up the wall by the window box. Explitavies are stated. She douses her kitchen sponge in bleach and wipes the army away. She pours herself some water and returns to the living room. Cutaway to fifteen minutes later when she returns to make a sandwich. Hundreds of ants are climbing up the wall next to the window. Explitavies are stated. She pours herself some water and returns to the living room. Cut away to half an hour later when she returns to the kitchen to do some dishes. Hundreds of ants are climbing up the wall next to the window. She douses her kitchen sponge in bleach and wipes the army away. Failing to find her epoxy, she fills the holes with super glue, then tapes up the entry point. Cut away to fourty minutes later when girl returns for some water. Hundreds of ants are climbing up the wall next to the window. Explitavies are stated. Threats are made. Apologies follow. The war is on.

I did this in various parts of my kitchen for three straight days. Every time I won in one battleground, they set up camp in another. Everything in the kitchen was wiped down repeatedly. Several trips to the hardware store were made. I lived, breathed, and ate ants. Well, I probably did eat one or two. My only break was when I heard the helicopter over my head sink lower and lower until the sound and force made everything vibrate at this crazy low frequency. I ran outside, convinced I was going to have to explain the Borax lines all over the counter in this clearly mistaken raid. Hard as I might try, I couldn't see the chopper because I was on the porch just below it. But I smelled smoke.

Oh, is this going to be that kind of party? Well, maybe I should gather some things.

Then a neighbor pulls up below and honks at another one alerting him to a fire before he backs away down the hill. I shout out, "Hey, Lonny! What do I do?" I get no response. He's busy loading up his dogs and can't hear me so I close my laptop and grab my birth certificate and get my dogs to the front door. Just then, Lonny starts pounding. Now my dogs are scared. I let him know we're coming and he waits in his truck. Midnight jumped in the car eager for a trip. Fudge jumped in the car and out of the car and in the car depending on where she thought I might be. And then there was Pink. He was going down with the ship. He just stared at me from the front door and refused to budge. He obviously wanted to make sure he was there when Jeremy came home and was going to keep things safe. But I dragged his bony behind into the car and off we went.

I thought we might go to a coffee shop while we waited the whole thing out. We didn't. We gathered right in the middle of the road with the best view of what the firefighters were accomplishing. The whole thing was, thankfully, over before I even knew it. They moved quickly and in full force. And I'd left my little video flip at home. Jeremy, far away, was much more panicked than I was. I had something more imperative on my mind than the threat of a brush fire. I didn't get a thing done and I would be leaving for LA soon to let the ants take over. The battle in my home continued, but with some borax and ant traps I managed to sleep.