This is an outline of my recent audition experiences. It’s a bit long. When I was in junior high, one of the smartest guys in school who shared advanced classes with me suggested you could get the idea of a book by reading the first and last line of each paragraph. I won’t be offended if you do 
Also, I had two corrections from my last e-mail. One I don’t remember, the other is something my friend Matt pointed out. I drove through Wyoming, not Wisconsin. Nowhere near Wisconsin. Eh. You don’t know your geography anyway, do you?
Our Internet, at least, has finally been tied up and just as it did, I got to work on finding auditions. I signed up for Backstage.com at the end of September and started to submit the headshot Megan Foley took of me in Detroit. Apparently, thinking I could stay with family, I decided to submit to NYC calls, as well. And I totally got called back for an online sitcom, but there was no way I could get to NYC on my budget in such a short period of time. I set out to send every advertiser in the area my voiceover demo and anyone else I could find in the mountains who was connected to the entertainment industry. I spoke to one creative director who has also worked on major motion pictures and while he encouraged me, he was not optimistic about my opportunities in Kern County.
I met with the two agents in Bakersfield, one of whom was no different than pipe-dream selling, Barbazon Modeling. The other ran a travel agency from the same office and essentially booked all of her work through a website that I could subscribe to myself. Her card didn’t even have an e-mail on it. That was probably better for me, because at the time, I found it impossible to get my headshot printed from a disc without the color being all wrong so I couldn’t represent as professionally as I’d like. Not discouraged, I took my demo to the two radio stations here and sent my headshot to a woman listed as a casting director with the Kern County Film Commission. She loved everything about me, but she said the work that usually comes here has gone to Canada. Herrumph!
I did some research on photographers in Los Angeles and found one to die for, but when I spoke to him about rates the cost came to about $1500 before duplication!!!!! So… during a trip to the Bay Area for a wedding shower, I hired an old friend to do new headshots and to print me an original so I’d have something to duplicate. The prints do look slightly different than the proof, but I was very pleased. Then, a new acquaintance of mine, Detroit actor, Eric Bare, told me I should sign up for Actors Access. So last month I subscribed and started submitting my new material. I even scoured craigslist for voiceover work that I could do at home. I landed a job, too, to do an Obama commercial for the Internet. I never got paid.
Three weeks ago, I started getting auditions in Los Angeles. Thanks, Eric. First I got called to audition for a TV pilot looking for someone to play 30s jazz singer, Mistinguett. In the original post, they were seeking someone who spoke French OR could master the accent. The night before the audition they sent me a song to learn… entirely in French. I don’t speak French! I wrote everything out in phonetics and did my best to memorize, but uh, no. So I drove three hours to LA and started with the excuses right away before using my cheat sheet. That’s a big no-no in auditioning, but I don’t know French! In my cover letter I’d even stated, “I don’t speak French!”
Regardless, they called me back to a dance audition happening two days later. I went back down to LA, but couldn’t find their whereabouts in the building they had booked. So I left e-mail and voicemail and hoped for forgiveness. I never did find out what happened, but they scheduled me for another dance audition. Shortly thereafter, they asked me to come down to audition for another part, even a bigger part. So three days later I came back by bus expecting to sleep at my friend Diana’s for the audition on Wednesday until the dancing call on Friday.
When I got to the audition, they tried me for yet another role entirely which they were very pleased with, but told me the new dance audition would be on Monday. Monday?? I stayed for a couple of nights anyway and got called to a different TV pilot audition for that Sunday. Diana’s roommate insisted I go to it even though I had 24 hours to get back to Bakersfield and come up with two monologues, a comedy routine, and a song. I also had to improv at the audition, but Diana’s roommate was once a working actress so her support, and offer for another night on the couch, put me to work. I really impressed the CD who pushed me for fifteen minutes to pursue a career in singing AND comedy because he was so impressed with the bit – my first bit that I’d written ever just the day before. He’d left a woman out in the hall to talk to me so I felt really good about it, but the producers will decide and not until after January.
Now, I thought I’d killed at the dance audition the next day. In fact, I happened to be one of the two best dancers amongst the room full of actors. But I know they started filming last week. I didn’t get the call. I was having so much fun I must’ve put my foot in my mouth. Perhaps during a high kick. But I did get called to audition for a European cartoon series based on my voiceover reel, so back down I went glad that it was the same day I started my first “Commercial Audition” class. In order to get the FOUR MONTH gig, apparently some people in Germany needed to determine if they liked my personality. I don’t know how since they weren’t in the room. Frankly, I was not prepared to improv so I was awkward.
In fact, the greeter who had sent me the specs for the godlike, nasty and dumb frog-voice then asked me to read for a sweet, young kitty. So I readied for that, but when I got in the booth, the voice from the sound room asked for a Scottish Lochness Monster. I don’t do a Scottish accent! If I’d heard some Scotsman within the last 24 hours I could mimic the accent, but I don’t practice that. I put Groundskeeper Willy in my head and wasted a minute of my four remaining in an attempt to work it out. Then I gave them a deep-voiced sea creature, who sounded more like a drugged-up, phone sex operator with the request to be a Scottish lass who would feel up his kilt. But I don’t do Scottish!!!!
Fortunately, the commercial class that night with Terri Berland rocked it! I learned so much about what I’d been doing wrong while auditioning in Detroit. I finally got to see myself played back on “audition” tape. I don’t really like to watch myself, but among a class half-full with professional LA actors, I got a real boost of confidence. I also realized that I’m going to need to take audition classes for other forms of media, too. And an actual reel that I can send is going to make a world of difference in attempt to get auditions and agents.
But all of that’s happened in the last three weeks. I’m definitely in need of a sublet, a room to rent, or a couch to sleep on near Hollywood. Until then and between auditions, I’m cooking a lot, filling in the gaps in Sophisticated Hobo, and attempting to produce with music software for virtually the first time by myself. Jeremy’s knowledge of Reason due to his sponsorship has been very helpful.
Now, with all that said, we’d also gone up to the Bay Area for a wedding and then back up there to a rave that Jeremy was playing. I’ll talk more on that soon. But I’ll share a So-Bo (Sophisticated Hobo) tip I learned up there. Now, I know that there are a lot of places to sleep and camp for free in CA, but there were some young Ken Kesey drop-outs at this party who explained that you can sleep on the beach if you do it after five AM. That’s when the police stop checking. So if you have a beach bum fantasy… there’s a little advice. It’s a big state and I’m sure there are different rules for different beaches, but Half Moon Bay is million-dollar real estate!
Also, though I’ll probably never see him again, my current Hero is Jeremiah who walked with me to get a beer with and from the Freak of the Week, What’s-his-name. That’s an even longer story about this Half Moon Bay rave in a hay maze that went until sunrise. Ironically, that’s only the second bona fide rave I’ve been to. The first was by the “Silly” party crew which was later called “The Maze” when they graduated to clubs. I joined that crew and, incidentally, met Jeremy at one of the events nine years ago next week.
Well, I may get to the wedding or tell the story of my big night at the rave and the whack-job, What’s-his-name soon, but I suppose I’ll never catch you up on our farewell party or the radio commercial I did before we left Detroit. Insofar as the story of making my album… you’ll just have to get in when it’s released. Well, that’s a brief run through that doesn’t talk about the dogs (Sorry Lonny) and the opportunities Jeremy may have. Oh, and it’s NOT SNOWING! Ha ha.
Be versatile,
me
